Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
