apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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