remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
