So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Randomize
