Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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