it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
