Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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