She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
