I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
