i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
handjob tips. give me some.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
