I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize