My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
