He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
