I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Just cropdusted the office
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
