so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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