he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
