they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
