Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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