So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
