i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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