Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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