Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
