so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
