saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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