had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
