Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
