After last night, I could never be a politician.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
