Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize