____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
