i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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