Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
