There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize