I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
