We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
