When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize