Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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