I hate all girls vehemently.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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