we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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