Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
