i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
