WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
