I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
