That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
