I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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