hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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