If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
