I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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