I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
She tied me up with her honor cords...
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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