I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
