69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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