Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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