You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
