I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
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