i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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