I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
