Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
