apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize