if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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