and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
