I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Randomize
