she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
