Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
