I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
