maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
