I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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