pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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