hell yes lets make some ravioli
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
You pole danced in your parka.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
