If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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