I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize