Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize