My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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